My Loss

[WP79Vet]

WP, what you did for your folks was selfless. What your Ex-wife and other family did was selfish. You will be rewarded. But it never ceases to amaze me just how cruel, stingy, selfish, bitter and underhanded close family can be. And I've seen this first hand.

My grandmother had a sizeable estate, of which my mother had power of attorney over. An aunt and an uncle decided that they were going to help themselves to her estate just prior to my grandmother's death, took her from the nursing home to the bank and proceeded to empty accounts and start the transfer of real property. Thankfully a bank officer called my mother asking if she was aware that this process had begun, and she simply sat there shocked and said no..... that she had power, not those two, and that all real property matters had been handled years before and neither of those two would be getting any more than what had already been dealt to them, real or monetarily. The authorities were called in and the two of them had some serious discussions with them and after my mom took all her legal powers to the bank, the two of them were charged with crimes related to theft and fraud. A cousin who lived locally had to bail her 90 something year old mother out of jail. Another cousin, and get this, a detective from Long Beach, California, where my uncle also resided, had to fly here to bail his old man out of jail and then help him answer to the judge. In court my mother preferred not to press charges but those two still had to pay court costs and processing fees.

I held power of attorney over my mother's holdings and her and in the end used it to un-plug her machine after a heart attack left her brain dead.

In trying to make sense of all this, it seems to me that you never really know another person's heart or character - even and maybe especially wives or siblings or others who have been very close - until you've seen them in three situations:

1) When there's significant money or opportunity for promotions, etc. on the table and they have a personal stake in it;

2) When there's real physical danger of some kind; and

3) When doing the right thing requires a lot of unrewarded personal effort or sacrifice.

IMHO that's why caring for the sick or elderly, disposition of family estates, and many other kinds of major responsibility for others often reveals qualities of heart or character which can be anything from wonderful to criminal.

Mr. Tom, you've seen it, and you understand. Thanks for sharing, because it helps those who are in the situation or about to enter it know what they're getting into, and do what they can to keep things from going off the rails. Sharing also helps those of us who are recovering from the trauma and trying to make sense of it all.

I had to make what amounted to "unplug" decisions for both of my parents. In both cases it was a matter of deciding when their suffering and quality of life had reached the point that it was best to just let something like a urinary tract infection take them. I think I did the right thing for both of them, but there wasn't any major event like a massive stroke or heart attack to provide the closure.

 

[WP79Vet]

I am the caregiver to my parents at the moment. My dad is 92 and my Mom is 88. My mom has dementia. Fortunately, I have a good safety net. My wife is a godsend with everything going on. My two sons help when needed. Only one sibling creates any drama. We have a legal mess in the making though. There have been some very special times in the law few years I wouldn't trade for anything. WP79Vet, I understand

Thanks Wily, and best wishes to you and your family as you go through this difficult transition.

 

[Clairebear]

Sorry for your loss rangerrod, I lost my younger brother before Xmas at 64 years old. I’m sharing some special time currently in Costa Rica with my older brother (72). Life is so uncertain.

 

[Hanshi]

My utmost condolences for your tragic losses; I can empathize.

 

[Don]

May the Peace of God be with you and yours at this tender time.

 

[ingramjets]

very sorry for your loss,thats way more than one person should have to endure

 

[BuffaloSoldier]

So sorry for your loss.

 

[LHR]

Rangerod,
Sorry for your great loss these past years, that's rough for sure. I have no doubts that you will one day see them again! Take care brother !

 

[goodshot]

I am told India has the lowest rate of Alzheimer's in the world, this is linked to the high use of curries that have turmeric and black pepper, the combination cut inflammation, inhibit some cancer, and are a great help to the brain to reproduce neurons, i'm not a dr. but did use it to help after a really bad sickness that hurt my brain function.

 

[Slugnut]

So sorry for your loss